the nitty gritty

the past few weeks have brought both pain and relief...often in the same moment. some things have been brought to my attention -- nothing new, really, but known things made clearer. distilled lessons so potent that they really burned going down. my eyes watered as i swallowed. now i am metabolizing, and the effects are interesting. my best efforts are devoted to riding the waves without reacting in the same old ways. i don't want to lose it this time...that spark of recognition, that catalyzing shot of energy that sometimes comes with painful and confusing experiences. i teeter, doing what i can to absorb this lesson, to remain at the center of it all.